Thus Share Discussion Threads

[gonzo123] 23/11/2017 19:03

..... and you didn't invite Betty , I think your tab is marked!

[ffp] 23/11/2017 18:54

SFA, in this household.. cos I bin out for lunch. But sweet girl she did taxi me back and forth...

[gonzo123] 23/11/2017 18:20

Evening all, what's for tiffin tonight?

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 16:55

Ffp , it is nearly 5.00 !
My kind of lunch

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 16:50

I am feeling that the odd half of bitter shandy may have passed your lips
And why not !

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 16:28

Double LOL

[jonjonck] 23/11/2017 16:24

A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is
trying to hold the farm together
until her husband can get out.
She's not, however, very good at farm
work, so she writes a letter to
him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want
to plant the potatoes. When
is the best time to do it?"

The farmer writes back: "Honey,
don't go near that field. That's
where all my guns are
buried."

But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So

when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the
farm
and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two
full
days of digging, they don't find one single
weapon.

The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should
plant the potatoes."

[jonjonck] 23/11/2017 16:20

FFP and Kylie who was having a day off from Airport security were out for a
stroll in the fields when they saw a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said FFP, "that sure makes me want to
do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said Kylie, "It's your cow."

[jonjonck] 23/11/2017 16:15

LOL, good one ig.

A farmer lived on a quiet rural road. But,
as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast his chickens were being run
over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the
local Mayor's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of
these people driving so fast and killing all of my
chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the Mayor.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"

So the next day he had
the council workers go out and erect a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the Mayor and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."

So, again, the Mayor sends out the council workers and they put up a
new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And this really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and
called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the Mayor "Your signs
are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?"

The Mayor told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was
going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop
calling. Well, the Mayor got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmers last call, the Mayor decided to call
him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did, and not one chicken has been killed since then. I've
got to go. I'm very busy", and he hung up the phone.

The Mayor thought to himself, "I'd better go to the farmer's
house and look at the sign... There might be something there that WE could
use to slow down drivers."

So the Mayor drove out to the farmer's house, and
he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 15:09

Chap driving along a lane in Frinton looks over and sees a farmer standing dead still in his field
Drives past an hour or so later and the Farmer is still there , hasn't moved an inch.
The chap drives away thinking it must be something to do with the country way of life....
Next morning driving past the field , he looks over and the farmer is still there .
Being now somewhat concerned , he walks over to the Farmer to see if he is OK
Farmer snaps at him, leave me alone ,I am concentrating.
Why are you standing here , concentrating and not moving for two days

I am trying to be granted an MBE ...says Farmer
The driver , now even further confused , asks how he thinks that will ever happen

The Farmer then replies ...

I am outstanding in my own field !

[jonjonck] 23/11/2017 10:19

I made a mistake, not Christmas card shopping today but a Birthday card for Master R, well already done and way ahead of Mrs J.

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 09:10

Ha Ha
I do not send Christmas Card anymore
Make a donation to Charity instead
No card shopping for me !

Probably a factor is that most of those on my Christmas Card list of Old are no longer with us !

[jonjonck] 23/11/2017 09:03

Good Morning Ig.

Are you sure Mrs Ig is not using some task planning program on the computer and has daily routines planned for the next month. Apparently today, according to Mrs J, I am shopping for Christmas cards. Mrs J has overlooked this is Thursday and is the day of the week I have to myself and should not be interrupted. Does not bluddy happen anymore but I try.

[ignoble] 23/11/2017 08:02

Morning Chaps
Windy old night and still blustery
Looks like the sun may show itself.

Apparently I am collecting leaves today

Could be worse

[ignoble] 22/11/2017 20:13

It'seems a problem , that's for sure
Back to the drawing board

[ffp] 22/11/2017 20:06

ig, better not use the glasses, you may see too much. Putting through the bean machine is not a pretty sight.

[ignoble] 22/11/2017 20:02

If I can find some glasses , I am going to try eye water

[ffp] 22/11/2017 19:02

Especially if it has gone through the bean machine!!

[gonzo123] 22/11/2017 18:44

with ice and a slice.

[ignoble] 22/11/2017 18:39

Wonder if you can drink eye water ?

[gonzo123] 22/11/2017 18:26

Eyewatering does not immediately spring to mind.

[gonzo123] 22/11/2017 18:25

JJ,what you say may be true, although going by the prices you charge............